THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
