After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
