So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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