member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
