Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
