That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize