ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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