Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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