i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
