Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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