Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
