So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
