I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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