so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
