Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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