Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
