ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
