My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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