maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
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