I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
