dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
