There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
a search helicopter?!
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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