every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
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