i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
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