i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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