So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
