Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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