I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
