His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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