good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
