Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
