I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
