I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
