I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
