the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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