i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
