i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize