I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
he was CRYING into my vagina
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize