I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
