Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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