Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
