So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Pooping to opera.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize