WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
