some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
