He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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