it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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