the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
