mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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