1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize