I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
