things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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