are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
