My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
