the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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