there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
