weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
