I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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