I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
