I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize