I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
