She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize