She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize