So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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