im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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