she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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