I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
