Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
