Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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