he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
