But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She told me I should be a condom model.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
