is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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