Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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