Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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