I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
