Apparently you make a good broom.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
