Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize