You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
