Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
