There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
