He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Shame - the story of my life.
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