it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My feet surprised me
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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