Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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