Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
