I will die if light touches me.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize