When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
