Little spoons don't ask big questions
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
