Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
