Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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