my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
