Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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