New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I wish there were birth control emojis
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize