Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
