She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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