Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
